|
A WONDERFUL LIFE
A pilot living happy, joyous and free
I'm sitting on a aircraft commuting home thinking of how
wonderful my life has turned out. I owe it all to Alcohol and Drugs.
I know that sounds crazy but I am an alcoholic and addict in
recovery. April 2nd 1998 was when I started the
"one day at a time" life style. I didn’t know where it would take
me. I was just tired of me and what I had turned into. I didn’t know
about the disease of chemical dependency and I certainly didn’t
understand it, but I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I remember growing up as a young boy my granddad would come
every Thursday and pick my sister and me up from school. Gramps
would always go right to dad’s liquor closet and he would drink at
least half a bottle before my parents would come home from work. All
those years I never understood why I would see him the next morning
sleeping in the guest room before I went to school. Little did I
know but gramps and I would have more in common then I thought. The
difference was that he was a happy drunk. He’d get drunk, be
funny and nobody thought anything of it.
Let's just say I wasn’t very funny when I drank.
I was in 6th grade, 11 or 12 years old, when I remember
on weekends going out to football games and we would get somebody to
buy us Boones Farm apple wine. I would do that most every weekend
that I can remember. It gave me this great feeling of being part of
the gang and in the beginning I was funny too. I like the fact I
could be cool and hang out with the cool crowd. It was not long
after that someone brought some pot to the weekend booze party. Boy
did that hit the spot. It was if I’d been looking for this all my
life, the feeling that alcohol and pot gave me was like nothing I
ever felt before. I was hooked! Right there in 6th
grade I was an alcoholic and addict, I and nobody else knew it at
the time. Although I would continue this for another 20 plus years
it just went down the hill from there. I did have some great times
in my life before I got sober but they always involved alcohol or
drugs. I continued to same patterns right into high school.
Growing up in New York state in the 70’s and early 80’s you could
drink at 18 years old and back then I think most of the bars I went
to knew I was under age but thought it was harmless to let a couple
of kids in for a few beers. Besides, we never caused any
trouble because we knew we where getting away with being somewhere
we shouldn’t be.
When I was 16 years old I was able to get my drivers
license. Not six months later, my parents were having a Christmas
party and I was sneaking drinks in the kitchen when nobody was
looking. I did that for an hour or two until it was time for me to
go pick up a friend. I got in my car and proceeded to my friend's
house. I guess my driving wasn’t very good because I never
made it; instead I got pulled over and received my first DUI. Back
then I swore to the judge that it would never happen again and even
my parents believed me. I don’t think it was more then a week later
I was back to drinking, but I made sure I had gum or mints with me
to mask the smell; I think I even bought a car freshener. I kept
going to the same bars with the same people, the difference was I
always seemed to drink more then everyone else. At my high school
graduation I remember going to the bar at 11:30 am to have a few
belts before getting up on stage and then drinking vodka from a
straw on stage so no one would see me. In reading this you don’t
have to read any further to figure out that I am addicted.
I had average grades in high school and I got lucky.
I always thought that flying and planes were cool so I applied to
college and Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University. They accepted me!
Daytona Beach here I come! Before I left for college I got a summer
job pumping gas for the local flight school. I was told that if I
worked hard on the ramp that when I got my flight instructor's
certificate I would have a opportunity to flight instruct there.
During that summer I meet a guy working there who was going to the
same college. He and I would cut the grass at the tie down area,
but before we did he would always show up with some weed and we
would get high before we cut the grass. This and drinking after work
went on all summer. Then off to Daytona to college where I thought I
was pretty cool the first year or two. I starting hanging out with
the wrong crowd. Not only was I drinking and smoking pot, but
I started to do cocaine. Right at the end of my sophomore year I was
at a party and doing everything! I got behind the wheel and received
my second DUI.
After going to driver’s education for alcohol abuse I was able to
drive to and from work and school. You’re talking to a full
blown alcoholic and addict, you think that slowed my partying? No
way! Somehow I made it through college but by that time my grades
were poor and my addictions were in high gear. I was drinking and
doing cocaine three to five days a week. People knew there was
something wrong but nobody wanted to confront me.
When I graduated the job as a flight instructor was
waiting and I needed to build hours so I could land the big airline
job. I spent about one year at the flight school then got a job
flying out in the Hampton’s on Long Island, N.Y. I was flying
as a first officer on a Beech 99. Boy this was the life:
getting paid for something I loved to do!! I lived by myself
in a rented house not to far from the bad area in town. My
addictions where stronger then me and I started to spend more and
more time in that area.
In the fall of 1988 the company I was flying for laid
me off because of slow flying for the winter. During that short time
I moved back with my parents and met a girl. Things were going well
except I didn’t have a job. Every time I would drop my girl friend
home I would go back out and spend the rest of the night getting
high. In December of 1988 I got a call from the largest commuter
airline on the east coast. I started training January 23, 1989.
Again I was the luckiest person in the world. I was training
as a first officer in the Shorts 360. I flew the Shorts for about
one year then upgraded to captain. It was great, I was the
boss, and I just kept getting deeper and deeper into my addictions.
After about a year in the Shorts my company acquired another company
and started to buy several Saab 340's. I transitioned to captain in
the Saab in 1991. By that time I was married with a two year
old son and a daughter on the way.
On April 22, 1992 I was on a overnight in Bangor,
Maine. We got in at 2pm, picked up the free rental car, got a
12 pack and then me, the first officer and flight attendant headed
to Bar Harbor for the day. It was great. We drank all
day and night till about 2am and on the drive back to Bangor I got
pulled over and was arrested for DUI AGAIN!!! Number 3! Folks
if this isn’t addiction I don’t know want is. Anyway, when I was
given the opportunity to make a call I called my union. In the next
couple of days when I was finally home the union called me and asked
me to see a doctor and start going to AA meetings. Guess what? I
wasn’t ready!! But I wanted to keep the company out of it and
keep my job so I went to see this Doc and in his letter it says that
if I continue my current ways there is no doubt Dana will have
troubles in the future. It went in one ear and out the other. I also
went to AA for about 2 months and said to myself, “those people are
crazy! I’m not a drunk like them.” That was 1992 and I was to
have six more years of pain.
In March of 1998 my two biggest addictions were getting
so bad that I was disappearing for days. I was spending my time in
the crack houses of New York City. I would bring a case of Johnnie
Walker with me because I knew once I went in it would be days before
I came out. That last run at the end of March in 1998 was so bad I
just stopped calling work and I disappeared for 4 days and no showed
3 trips. On the 4th day in the crack house I looked into
a broken mirror and for the first time in my life didn’t like the
person I was looking at. That was a defining moment in my life. It
was my burning bush. I know deep in my heart that the God of
my understanding looked down and said, “I’ve been here waiting for
you to take the right step”.
I got up out of the dregs of New York City and drove
home clear as a bell. I can’t explain it, again it was a God thing.
He didn’t want me to kill myself or anyone else. When I got home I
said I was sorry again for the millionth time, but deep in my heart
I knew this time I wanted to be sober. I called my chief pilot and
he said there was a meeting next Tuesday for me up in Boston. I kind
of knew what the meeting was for but believe it or not I was OK with
what I expected to hear. I went to AA everyday while I looked for a
treatment center.
The week flew by and it was time to see the Director of
Operations and the Chief Pilot. I wasn’t nervous. I was sad
for what I did but anxious to tell them "I’m going to be OK".
I finally realized that I needed help and that I was an alcoholic
and addict. For the first time in my life I went into the meeting
and told the truth! No more hiding, no more skeletons in the
closet. After spilling my guts, I told them that it’s OK and that I
found a treatment center that I planned to go to. They asked me to
leave the room for a minute. I came back in and with tears in
their eyes they crossed out the word "termination" and put "medical
leave"! They told me to get the help I needed and they’ll see me
back on line soon.
As I write this it's still a very emotional thing for
me to talk about. If it wasn’t for them I don’t know where I would
be today. Each day is a gift and that’s how I live today. It’s been
11 years ONE DAY AT A TIME! The chief pilot that took a chance on
me passed away a couple of months ago but I know he can now see that
by taking a chance on me he not only saved my life but hundreds of
others with chemical dependency. I call it blue collar sobriety.
I can’t tell you everything about sobriety but I know how to stay
sober today and if you live the principles of the program and pay it
forward everyday you will feel the overwhelming gratitude that I
feel. I’m not saying that my life is like living in Disneyland but I
wouldn’t change it. What a wonderful life. This was what God had
planned for me. I have been blessed with working with pilots and
their families at almost every airline in the USA, several
corporations, airlines in the UK, Middle East, the Far East and
Australia and it all boils down to ONE thing: I stay sober today.
I plan for the future, but I live for today. When I wake up tomorrow
I start out on my knees and ask for another day.
Dana A.
|
