What do you Think?

A recovering pilot new to the program wonders if it is too soon to share his story. We'll let you decide.

I just read the stories on the BOAF International website, and I am thinking that perhaps it would be pre-mature for me to write my story. I am only just now approaching 9 months of sobriety, my marriage is still in shambles and heading toward divorce, my 20-year-old daughter is so mad at my wife that she refuses to talk to her or see her, my other three kids are in shell shock, (the only one still home, my 13-year-old son, is spending every other week with me), I'm living at my Dad's house, I still do not have my medical back, and financially I'm at the pointy end of an imminent crash.

The funny thing is, I'm feeling pretty good even with all of the above. I'm attending two Birds meetings a week, along with six other regular AA meetings, and I'm taking a speaker meeting and a Big Book meeting to a rehab on a weekly basis. I'm also doing service at my regular AA meetings (I'm the greeter at the meeting and every day I pick up all the cigarette butts and other trash from the parking lot). I'm working with my sponsor, talking to him on a daily basis, and I'm on the 8th step. I meet with a therapist and a pilot monitoring group weekly. I talk on a daily basis with at least one other AA, and often several, on the phone. I pray, read AA literature, meditate (at least a little), and pray again every day.

So I guess the program's working. Seven months ago, when I was at my emotional bottom with my marriage situation, I was thinking about suicide. I could not sleep or eat, and I spent most of every day crying. Today, I'm smiling a majority of the time. I have a lot of AA friends, and I am learning to love myself, which for me is a big deal, especially when the River of Denial covered the fact that I didn't love myself before I found AA. I guess you could say it's a series of small but steady Spiritual Awakenings. I'm aware today of God's hand in my life, and, although I don't always know what His will is or can even begin to understand it, I'm willing today to let Him be at the controls. Faith, I guess, has taken root.

Anyway, that's all kind of long winded, but I think I will be able to write a much better article later, perhaps once I've at least completed the twelve steps, or, like my sponsor keeps telling me about other things, maybe I should wait at least a year from when I entered AA.

Best regards,

Dan W.

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